my blog is a mishmash of all the things i love and occasionally the things i don't.
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Sometimes the way a thing goes down does matter, Shepard. Later, when you have to live with yourself. Knowing that you acted with integrity—then it matters.
CANCER - today you’ll eat some hay but it will be a little stale
SCORPIO - success! you will chew through someone’s headphone chords and they won’t know until they are walking to school
PISCES - stay positive. though the day may seem endless there is a carrot at the end of the tunnel.
TAURUS - thump and grunt all you need. bringing attention to your needs above all else is vital
VIRGO - please stop chewing on my shoe laces
CAPRICORN - some days, you just gotta flip over your water bowl and sit in it. seize the day.
GEMINI - many naps are in store for you. make sure to make a nest out of your food instead of eating it
LIBRA - sick of your messy roommate? poop on the clothes he leaves on the floor
AQUARIUS - poop indiscriminately while you run in circles for five minutes
ARIES - sit very still for over an hour staring at your housemate until they clear their throat or otherwise make a noise, at which point you should skitter away in a loud and obvious panic like they just shot you
LEO - same as last week- destroy the iPhone charger they have rebought four times when they let their guard down
SAGITTARIUS - weird this one is about pooping everywhere too
Every time I see Elizabeth i’s signature I get absurdly happy cause I just imagine her signing her name and doing a little twirly and then pausing and then adding a few more twirlies
“your majesty perhaps thats enough twirls” suggests William Cecil
“perhaps Im the motherfuckin queen” suggests elizabeth and adds 6 more
Deodorant Stain on Shirt? Rub your tights on it and it goes away. Honest. Scout’s Honor. Not the Boy Scouts. THE GIRL SCOUTS.
Dry, Flaky Skin At Work and no lotion? Scotch Tape works pretty well to get off the flakes, before you can get some access to face lotion.
Stubborn Eye Makeup? Tell it to compromise a bit. Then destroy it with Olive Oil.
Messed up eye makeup 5 minutes before you’re officially 20 minutes late to the bar? Dip a Q-Tip in makeup remover and spot clean. Tell your friends the subway was late, you lying minx.
What should I put in my daily travel makeup bag? Perfume Rollerball, whatever lip product you’re wearing, pencil eyeliner, tiny travel face lotion, concealer, small mirror. If your bag is small, just breathmints, a knife, and lipstick will suffice.
I am doing my best to make this email sound adult. I have rewritten it sixteen, wait… seventeen, times. I am requesting assistance.
so i cleared my throat today and
and then someone poked me in the side so I laughed
and THEN I FUCKING SNEEZED
and that’s what it’s like being on the second day of your period
i hope this has been educational
This is so accurate it hurts my soul.
I have never seen something so accurate before
The male side of tumblr must be so traumatized right now
Let’s just agree on something. Feel free to like problematic people. Just please don’t be an apologist? Please don’t come telling me how it’s all just a big misunderstanding, how they are taken out of context (again and again and again apparently), how they’re very clearly joking, how it’s okay because they’re not talking about a real person, how their humor just doesn’t translate very well, how everyone has become so unfunny and PC these days. Please don’t. Everything else is fine. You can honestly like whomever and whatever you like, just don’t try to invalidate my very real reasons for not sharing that love, or just don’t talk to me about it.